Life Through Russia's Eyes
by sparkylove14
Summary: Songfic: Mad World by Gary Jules:  why russia acts like he does. main theme:   hetalia's past, i might write one for everyone, but idk yet.


**Life Through Russia's Eyes**

_Songfic: Mad World by Gary Jules_

Hello.

My name is Ivan.

My life is a lie.

I've been on this god forsaken planet for far too long.

Being on this planet for as long as I have drives you insane.

Insanity.

I find it a humorous word.

I can not begin to even express what that word means to me.

Everyone now knows that behind my sweet smile, is an evil 'insane' grin lurking in the shadow.

But no one ever asks why I have this mask on me at all times.

I honestly can not afford to loose it.

It's my only escape from reality.

Reality is another funny word.

And I have had enough of it.

Watching, as time pass, the present just seems to slip through your fingers, and the next thing you know, its tomorrow.

While all the while you are wallowing in the screams that haunt you from a distant yesterday.

I've seen love.

A beautiful thing, love.

When you can just look into someone's eyes and just know that you feel a deep harboring sea of emotions, and a storm of what you would ever do if that someone were to get hurt.

Like there's no tomarrow.

I used to feel love.

Especially for none other than my little sister, Natalia.

I know, Ukraine is my sister too, but I loved Natlaia more that any of you would even begin to imagine.

That's when we were together.

That's when we were one.

That's when everything was right in the world.

We used to have picnics in the sunflower fields together; the moments I miss the most.

But that was then.

When I could do nothing but helplessly sigh in a sweet note when ever I saw her beautiful face.

But that note soon turned bittersweet.

In seeing much love in this world, I have also seen hate.

The word makes me cringe.

Everyone always says, 'I hate this.' And 'I hate that.'

They can't even begin to know what hate really is.

Hate is when you have everything perfect, ripped apart, piece by piece in front of your eyes, and the only possible thing you can do is watch, and see what all you once had crumble into ashes before you.

That is hate.

That's when I created my 'mask'.

When the war of worlds tore me and my family apart.

That's when I snapped.

That's when I lost all touch with reality.

There's that damn word again.

The once bubbly Bella turned into a hateful monster.

That's when I can't stand to see her.

I can't stand to look into those eyes that I once could of gazed upon forever, to now have it break what is left of my sanity.

I still love her.

But I can't stand what she has become.

Ever since, I have lost all control of reality.

I can't tell what is real apart from my dreams.

I don't even know if some of my closest friends even exist.

Or if it's just apart of this new reality I created.

I want so bad, to go back to when I knew what was going on.

If I was awake, or just dreaming those awful dreams.

The dreams where I have to watch as all my love ones die horribly.

Sometimes it's murder.

Sometimes it's torture.

But most of the time, it is dying in battle.

When I have these dreams, if they are dreams, I go and sit in a room that I have decorated with sunflowers and drink all the pain away.

The alcohol of coarse does not help with my loose grip on reality, but it is the only thing that I believe, keeps me sane.

If I do not drink myself into a new reality, or even just a fuzzy one, I could end up doing something I would later regret.

I just want all the dreams of my friends dying horribly to end.

Sometimes I think to myself, if I killed them all right now, maybe those nightmares would stop.

The best nightmares I ever have are ones where I die.

So I don't have to deal with all the smiles of my sweet friends see wiped away and replaced with looks of pure terror.

And tonight I have come to my senses.

I can't live with the burden of my friend's lives constantly hanging over me.

I pulled the loaded pistol up to my head.

Memories flooded my eyes the few milliseconds, but what seemed like an eternity, flash as I pull the trigger.

As I die, the one memory hanging on a string was the one of Bella and I, in the sunflower field. Her head in my lap, as the stars shown above us. My scarf around her as we gaze into one another's eyes.

A rush of warmth filled my body as blood caked in my hair.

A tear rolled down my cheek, as I smile one final sweet smile.

Let you be reminded of this.

Never forget to love, because hate can swallow up your reality and drive you to insanity.

I only suggest one thing; to be careful out there.

Because you know, this is a mad world.


End file.
